Beware the Iranian Ninja Ladies – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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Beware the Iranian Ninja Ladies

Ah, Fox News. That grand bastion of journalistic integrity. Where would we be without you? (Answer: Possibly in a less hateful world.) Yesterday, Fox posted a video asking “Does Iran’s Army of Lady Ninjas Pose a Security Threat?” You should go ahead and watch that video now. I’m serious, it’s… it’s just freaking awesome.

So what did we learn from that video? Well, what I learned is that people in Iran like to study made-up bullshit martial arts like “ninjutsu” just as much as Americans do. I learned that Iranians are not immune to the silly notion that “real ninjas” wear black cotton jumpsuits and chuck throwing stars at each other constantly. I also learned that you can block shuriken with a bo, provided the person throwing the shuriken at you is careful never to aim at anything other than your bo–and even then, sometimes you still get bonked on the head.

You know what I didn’t learn, though? I learned nothing at all about this supposed ARMY OF LADY NINJAS that Fox News seems to think Iran is training. What I saw were some women engaging in a fun hobby they seem to enjoy, even if I happen to personally think the entire thing is insane. I sure didn’t see any army generals hanging around getting ready to deploy these assassins in battle. So nice try, Fox News. I see what you did there, though, and I’m not falling for it. I refuse to be afraid that, somewhere in Iran, some women are taking martial arts classes and enjoying themselves.

Posted in In The News.