Have you ever noticed that when a plane flies overhead, it sometimes leaves behind this cloud-like streak in the sky? Those are called contrails, short for condensation trails. They’re created when water vapor from the plane’s exhaust cools rapidly in the cold air and condenses into ice crystals. They look like clouds because they essentially are clouds–man-made cirrus clouds.  Pretty neat, huh?

Well, naturally, there are a bunch of wing-nuts who think otherwise. Where reasonable, rational people see contrails, they see chemtrails–sinister chemical and/or biological weapons being dumped on an unsuspecting populace for unknowable reasons by our own government! Now, I’m not exactly what you’d call a fan of the government, but I have a hard time believing that the same people who couldn’t stop a buck private from spilling the beans about, well, just about fucking everything, could mange to cover up the fact that they’re equipping every commercial airliner in the entire damn country with spray devices to sap us of our precious bodily fluids or whatever the fuck the crazies think.

Thankfully, the nutters have devised a strategy for clearing away the chemtrails.  It turns out, all you have to do is walk around your back yard with a spray bottle full of vinegar and spritz the air randomly, and in ten to thirty minutes, the chemtrails disappear.

No really!  They really think this! Never mind that ten to thirty minutes is just about how long your bog standard contrail hangs around anyhow.  Never mind that there’s no possible fucking way the vinegar you sprayed into the air in your back yard could even get to 30,000 feet in any appreciable quantity in that (or really, any) amount of time in order to do whatever it is it’s supposed to do to clear off the nasty chemtrails. And, never mind that it sometimes just doesn’t work (because contrails sometimes hang around longer than thirty minutes depending on atmospheric conditions,) it is an undeniable fact that vinegar kills chemtrails!

Honestly, though, I think that’s just a waste of good vinegar. I bet there’s an easier way to get the same results. So, I offer this experiment to anybody who believes that vinegar kills chemtrails. Next time you see chemtrails in the sky, go outside and shout “I’M A FUCKING IDIOT!  I’M A STUPID ASSHOLE!” over and over for about five minutes. I give you my personal guarantee^* that the chemtrails will disappear within thirty minutes! Unless they don’t. In which case, try again later!

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*_{Void where prohibited. You must be of legal age to receive guarantee assurance. Offer not valid in CA, HI, or MA. You must submit video documentation of your failed attempt in order to make a claim. Persons making a valid claim will be summarily laughed at.}

I was sitting at a stop light this afternoon when I saw this:

Bacon-free WiFi? Screw that! I want WiFi with EXTRA BACON. Why would you even advertise that you’ve gone and taken bacon away from something? That’s insanity. Come on, BK, step up to the plate. Put the bacon back in your WiFi!

However you say it, it sucks:
 

 
Yes, that is indeed Nickelback doing a cover of the Flock of Seagulls song “I Ran (So Far Away).” I think if you go to Google and type in “things that suck” this video comes up as the first three hits. Okay, it doesn’t, but it goddamn should.

And yet… I’ve watched that thing like four times now. I can’t stop watching it. I’d say it’s like a train wreck, you have to look even if you don’t want to–except, it’s not like that at all. I kind of like the singer’s voice (it’s not the usual Nickelback asshole, it’s one of the other dudes in the band singing) and they actually make the song groove OH FUCK I THINK I LIKE SOMETHING NICKELBACK DID! ALSO FLOCK OF SEAGULLS! AHH!! I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!