The world’s most pathetic invention – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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The world’s most pathetic invention

Well, here it is.  Clearly designed by a dweeb who has never been kissed, it’s a “robotic tongue” that lets you kiss people over the internet!

Actually, it’s not even that.  If you watch the video on that page, you’ll see all it is really is a freaking bendy straw that you turn with your tongue that remotely turns an identical straw.  How anybody thinks that even resembles a tongue is beyond me.  But, ok, the article also says the inventor intends to improve the device to eventually include moisture, taste, and presumably make it not a metal straw.  So let’s play some “what if” games.  What if this thing is improved to the point where it feels mostly realistic, and maps input tongue movements on one end to synthetic tongue movements on the other end.  Further assume the synthetic tongue provides not only motion, but moisture and texture feedback.  How long before some dude sticks his cock in the damn thing and tricks his internet girlfriend into giving him head?  Does it count as rape if you tell someone you want her to virtually kiss you and instead you stick your rod in her virtual mouth?  It took me all of  fifteen seconds to think of that scenario once I heard the term “robotic tongue.”  It’d probably take the real creeps more like a nanosecond.

Man, who am I fooling.  This is clearly the future of internet porn.

Posted in In The News.