… Mr Alan L. O’Neill of Washington! Mr. O’Neill got married in 2001, then left his wife in 2009 and moved on. Except, hey, he forgot about that whole “getting a divorce” thing. He skipped that step, and moved directly on to the next step, “getting re-married.”
And he might have got away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids. I mean, if it weren’t for Facebook. Turns out, wife #1 was minding her own business on Facebook when she got one of those automated “people you may know” friend suggestions. She clicked on it, and hey, what’s this? It’s her husband and this woman together in a wedding photo. As in, they were getting married. To each other. Did I mention he never bothered to get divorced from his first wife?
So naturally, she called his mom. That’s what I like best about this story, actually. The woman’s first reaction to finding out her husband was married to another woman wasn’t to call the cops (she did that later) or to call him on the carpet herself. No, the first thing she did was rat him out to his mom. That’s so junior high. And yet… so appropriate!
The second best thing about this story is the mention at the end about how Mr O’Neill is “free, but due in court later this month, which is standard procedure for non-violent crimes.” Prosecutor Mark Lindquist explains: “About the only danger he would pose is marrying a third woman.”
And that, ladies and gentleman, is what we call a money quote.