I was reading Slashdot just now (because I enjoy pain) and came across this rather insane insult: “Stop arguing. You know jack about dick on the subject.” I’d link you to the actual comment, but I can’t goddamn figure out Slashdot’s insane comment system, so I can’t figure out how to find the URL that takes you there.
First, let me just say this is a clear case of overkill. Either one of “You know jack about the subject” or “You know dick about the subject” would have been sufficient. Going overboard with “You know jack about dick” just makes it seem like you’re reaching.
Second, how exactly did “dick” become a synonym for “nothing”? I understand the pejorative use of dick to mean, an unlikeable, mean or generally bad person. That sort of makes sense. Dicks fuck things. That’s kind of what they’re for. So mean/unlikeable/bad people who fuck other people are called dicks. (Of course, to accept this definition you must first accept the definition of “fucked” as being synonymous with “screwed over” or injured or hurt in some way. Which seems pretty messed up to begin with–are we implying all sex is rape and therefore bad? I don’t know. I don’t think I want to know. I think this is probably not the blog to be tackling those kinds of questions.) But how does it end up meaning “nothing”? That’s kind of a mystery to me. I can’t even make up an etymology that makes any sense. Can you?
Anyhow, the more I think about it, the more “you know jack about dick” has grown on me (oh shit, was that a pun?) It seems like a great all around insult. I’m going to start using it.