Ozzy made me do it – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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Ozzy made me do it

People love to blame other people for their problems.  It’s like a law of nature or something.  You know, like Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation and Kepler’s Laws of Planetary Motion.  It’s the Law of The Other Dude Is At Fault Not Me.

William “Sonny” Liston of Ohio took this to the extreme when he blamed his drunk driving arrest on Ozzy Osbourne.  Ozzy’s music made him do it.  Whatever you say, asshole.

Actually, while this is very dumb and deserving of ridicule all by itself, there’s something entirely unrelated to this in the article that I’d like to make fun of.  When the AP tries to explain to all the mouth-breathing know-nothings out there who Ozzy is, they do so like this:  “Osbourne’s hits as lead singer of heavy metal band Black Sabbath and as a solo artist include “Paranoid” and “Road to Nowhere.””

Now, those of us who haven’t been living under a rock for the past 40 odd years know who Ozzy is.  But if you in fact didn’t know who Ozzy was or needed a hint, is that really the best way to jog your memory–listing those two songs?  If we’re picking just one song to represent his time with Sabbath, “Paranoid” isn’t a bad choice.  I probably would have gone with “Iron Man” but that could just be personal preference.  It’s entirely possible more people would recognize “Paranoid” than “Iron Man.”  I also would have accepted “War Pigs” or “Sweet Leaf” or even “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.”  But clearly the top two choices, in some order, are “Iron Man” and “Paranoid” so the AP doesn’t fail here.

But “Road to Nowhere” is at best an odd choice.  At worst it shows that the guy who wrote this has no fucking clue about anything Ozzy related and just Googled randomly to find some song titles.  Seriously, “Road to Nowhere?”  You have all of Ozzy’s thirty plus year solo career to pick from, and you zeroed in on “Road to Nowhere” as your representative sample?  Just off the top of my head I can think of probably half a dozen better known Ozzy songs.  Before I went with “Road to Nowhere” I probably would have gone with, in some order, “Crazy Train,” “Mama I’m Comin’ Home,” “Bark at the Moon,” “Shot in the Dark,” “Diary of a Madman,” or “Mr. Crowley.”  Hell, “Road to Nowhere” wasn’t even the highest charting single from its own album–the aforementioned “Mama I’m Comin’ Home” peaked at number 2, while “Road to Nowhere” only made it as far as number 3.

Don’t get me wrong, “Road to Nowhere” is a good song from one of Ozzy’s best solo albums.  It’s just not anywhere close to the first song I’d pick if trying to remind people who Ozzy Osbourne is.  Seriously AP, WTF?

Posted in In The News.