July 4th is almost here again, and all the seasonal fireworks vendors are once again busy selling the lamest selection of non-exploding “fireworks” ever invented. That’s because my state, Colorado, like many others, has a ban on pretty much any kind of fireworks that might actually be fun.
The US Consumer Protection Commission lists Colorado among the 39 states that “permit some or all types of consumer fireworks”, which means they either don’t ban anything more than the Feds ban already, or they at least don’t have an outright ban.
But this is misleading, since a closer look at Colorado fireworks laws reveals that the state bans pretty much everything that might remotely be considered fun. Basically, if it leaves the ground, explodes, or does anything cool, you can’t have it.
I’m not a big fan of banning things at all, but fireworks bans really irritate me, because blowing shit up is just so damn much fun! What’s more American than exploding the crap out of shit? Nothing! So screw fireworks bans.