Man, who hasn’t had this happen to him? You set up a date with a hot chick behind your girlfriend’s back so you can get a little action on the side to tide you over. But then just when your new lady friend shows up, OH NO!  Your girlfriend comes home unexpectedly! We’ve all done that, right? I mean, we’re all a bunch of assholes like that, right men?

OK, so maybe you’ve never had this happen to you. But it happened to Kevin Gaylor of Colorado Springs. His response to the crisis was creative, at least. He called the cops and reported his date as a burglar! Yes officers, please take this hot chick away, she, uh… broke into my house and poured herself a glass of wine! And was just about to get naked and get into my bed! You’d better take her away before she does anything else! Like have sex with me!

Ah, who am I kidding. A guy like that doesn’t offer his date a glass of wine. He gives her a shot of tequila with a sedative in it.

Remember that show “Cheers”?  That was a pretty good show. Kelsey Grammar was on that show, and then he got his own show, and now he’s totally rich and famous. And although he plays an incredibly intelligent guy on TV, it turns out he may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer in real life. As exhibit A in my case, I present to you this article right here.

Mr Grammer is apparently getting a divorce from his wife. This is not an unusual thing, especially in Hollywood. However, what is rather unusual is that apparently Grammer’s wife never actually wanted to be married to him. He claims that she asked for a divorce “almost the first day we were married.” Of course he’s weaseling with the “almost,” but it’s still rather apparent that (he claims, at least) the woman never much cared for him. And yet, he married her anyway.  And then when she asked for a divorce, he said… no? It apparently took him quite awhile to cave, because he says “If you say you want a divorce enough times, you’re going to get one.” Uh, yeah.  That’s generally how it works. I mean, sure, if you think things can be worked out, by all means try to work them out. But this does not seem to be one of those cases.

This is by far my favorite quote from the article:

When asked whether he thought his ex married him because of his fame, the actor said, “No, I think she married me because I was Frasier,” referring to his role as Dr. Frasier Crane​ on the sitcoms “Cheers” and “Frasier.”

Uh. Isn’t that pretty much the same thing? Unless he’s seriously saying the woman fell in love with the character he played on TV and married him because she thought he was really like that?

In that case, then she’s an idiot. So maybe they deserve each other.

The scourge of performance enhancing drugs has finally descended on the last great bastion of sportsmanship–the agricultural fair. The Weinroth family of Sedalia, Colorado recently had two prize-winning goats disqualified at the Colorado State Fair after tests revealed ractopamine in their urine.  To quote the Colorado Attorney General “The FDA has not approved ractopamine for use in goats, which means that no level of concentration is acceptable in the urine of the species.”  Take that cheaters!

The Weinroths insist they are innocent, that someone must have slipped their goats some tainted feed. The disqualification means that the family is out the $5500 and $1300 dollars the goats sold for, and they also get a 50 fair suspension for the first offense.

I know I will rest easier knowing that the state is protecting me from the scourge of over-lean show goats.

Check this one out. A guy in New Mexico pretending to be a police officer pulled over an actual police officer. As you can probably imagine, that did not end well. Of course, the man in question says he did no such thing. Mr Tyree Appleberry says he did not claim he was a police officer, did not imply he was one, and was not arrested for impersonating a cop. All he did was follow a guy and then turn the strobe lights of his truck on. Then when the guy pulled over, he got out and asked for ID. Nah, that doesn’t sound anything at all like what a cop does.

Mr Appleberry was given a misdemeanor citation (basically a fine) for impersonating an officer and arrested on an outstanding warrant. So technically, Mr Appleberry was not arrested for impersonating a cop–but impersonating a cop is sure what got him arrested.