Blowin’ shit up – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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Blowin’ shit up

A few days ago, Denver police decided to blow up a toy robot, because they thought it might be a bomb.  I’m given to understand that “controlled explosion” is the preferred method of disposing of unknown items that may in fact be explosive or full of explosives.  I’m no bomb expert, but it makes sense that blowing shit up out in a big field is preferable to having them blow up where you don’t want shit blowing up–say, right in front of Coors Field.

But if you read the article, you’ll notice that the toy robot was in fact cemented in place at the base of a structural support for a pedestrian bridge.  And the cops didn’t remove the robot and take it to a nice deserted field.  No, they blew it up right there.  Again, I’m not an explosives expert, and I understand that many explosives can’t be set off by fire or other explosions.  But there are plenty that can be set off by fire.  Or by impact.  Or, you know, by fucking BLOWING THEM UP WITH ANOTHER BOMB.  So if the bomb squad wasn’t sure the robot was safe, how was it then decided that the best way to get rid of the thing was to blow it up right where it stood?  If the thing was full of nitroglycerin, exploding it would have set it off, possibly causing damage to the bridge support it was cemented to.

But, fine, I’m willing to believe that people who are bomb experts (remember:  I am not!) would be able to make that kind of decision.  Maybe the bomb squad dude went up to it and was like “Well, pretty sure it’s fine, it’s just a stupid toy.  But lets at least blow it to hell since we went through the hassle and bother of closing the street and everything!”  I mean, if my job allowed me to randomly blow shit up, I’d do it too.

I’m less convinced, however, that these guys in San Diego County know what the hell they’re doing.  Authorities found a home pretty much full of homemade explosives.  It’s the largest amount of homemade explosives ever found in one location in the United States.  The article says the house was full of “crates of grenades, mason jars of white explosive powder and jugs of volatile chemicals .”  So what are the authorities intending to do to clean up this hazard?

They’re going to set the house on fire.

Seriously.  They’re going to light that fucker up and burn it to the ground!  A house full of homemade explosives of all types, shit they can’t even identify–and their plan is to light it on fire.  Am I the only person in the world skeptical of this approach?  It seems like even they don’t think it’s a great idea, since they plan to evacuate the neighborhood, close nearby I-15, and have hospitals in the area on standby!

To me, this just proves the old adage:  When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Posted in In The News.