Calling all rich hippies – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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Calling all rich hippies

I know you’re out there.  Remember when you were all counter culture, and spent all your time trying to change the world (which of course meant smoking a ton of pot and dropping an assload of acid)?  Well, the 60s died at Altamont, and you put away your tie dyed headbands and grew up to be bankers and lawyers–in other words, you became the establishment you used to hate.  Now you live every day trying to rationalize to yourself what happened.  You gave up the dream, man!  You gave up the dream of a better world, and for what?  For a suit and tie, a Lexus and a Rolex?  What would Lennon think, man?

Well, I’m here to help.  I’m not of your generation, but I feel your pain (every two weeks when I get my paycheck and I see how much you bastards are costing me in Social Security taxes. )  So I want to help.  I’m going to help you recapture some of those halcyon days of your youth.

I’m going to help you out by showing you this $900 bean bag chair.

As I write this, it’s on sale for a measly $570.  But even if you don’t make it in time for the sale, I know you can afford it.  I mean, you drive that Lexus and all.  And what is $900 in the grand scheme of things?  $900 to recapture some of your youth spent as a culture warrior!  $900 to get together with some of your other ex-hippie friends and smoke tons and tons of pot again (ha–like you ever stopped.)  And you can afford the good shit now man–no ditch weed for you, and no dirty $12 bean bag that’s leaking beans all over the basement floor, either.  Think of how groovy it’s going to be when you get together with your friends, spark up a doobie, put on some of your vintage vinyl albums and pretend like you’re not a bunch of hypocritical assholes who sold out everything they believed in to become everything they claimed to hate.

So yeah, spark up that fatty, put on that Dead album, and park your fat champagne socialist ass in the most expensive bean bag chair you can find.  Because you deserve it!

Posted in Miscellaneous.