You know you suck when you can’t even kill yourself properly.
Is it just bad luck to survive a 9 story fall by landing on a little girl, then being forced to pay her medical bills? Or is it some sort of cosmic SLAP IN THE FACE? I think it’s probably the latter. Anyway, if I were this guy, probably I’d just kill myself. Try collecting from a corpse, suckers! Hahahaha!
BANG!
…whoops, missed.
That rules. If I were that guy, I’d pretend to be a ninja.
Also, is it wrong that the very first thing I thought was “hey, if government employees in this country had accidentally shot her, they’d be given medals for keeping her safe?”